Monday, April 27, 2009

THE ROAD TO ALWAR


Caption: HUGS ARE MEANT FOR TWO
Hymn: Lord I’m coming home
Reference: Mark 5:34
Importance: Healing Relationships
Story: Finding the way
Testimony: Roman Protestant

GOOD NEWS
Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.

The day I discovered my husband's racing habit, I gave up visiting the Church. My husband would spend our time, money and energy on a Cole book. My husband knew everything about horses, the Cole book was like his Bible, he never left it, every time he lost everything he would stand more convincing for his next victory.
Gurgaon may be as much as a blessing to some, known for its shortage of electricity, water, humanity and ofcourse no racecourse. It was an ideal dumping ground where I could dump my husband or dump his racing habit. It was a place I was mentally preparing my own sacrificial alter to slay him down.

I remember all the Saturdays, when families planned time with bonding, preparing for Sundays or planning for the future. He would plan for the Derby like a surprise honeymoon he has never taken me to. There were times I would give him all the money I had thinking he would lose everything and that would be the end of all our troubles. It never ended my troubles but only increased them. Our way of life were race driven, if he won we could pay the pending bills. He never knew the importance of vaccinating children at relevant times, he only knew about the weight and height of horses and jockeys and making his favorite list. The lies all elders tell us that once you have children of your own fathers mend their ways. Two beautifully gifted children and that horrible bit of advice never mended his gambling nature. I lived in this hell miserably for almost two decades.
One night after a few weeks in Gurgaon, I was on spiritual suspension trip. I rejected God, I was so fully justified with his non existence that I started saying Jesus I hate you, I must have said it about a million times every moment that was passing me by. Due to constant praying and meditation, it was very difficult for me to say it because sometime I would begin to say the “Our Father” subconsciously. So I would have to start saying Jesus I hate you all over again. The next morning my husband receives a call for an interview. He still thinks that I am Mother Theresa, he does not know I had rejected God. Unable to confront me with spiritual requests, he asks my daughter to pray for him. I heard that man talking for the first time about prayer. I objected to any kind of prayer, telling him that even if God knocks on that door he would never recognize him. Just then the door bell rang, a smiling Pastor greets with saying, “Praise the Lord.”

Praise the Lord, I am rejecting you for reasons unknown, but every time you call me I will be there. Soon there was going to be a conference in Alwar and Liny, Pastor Thilak's wife convinced me that it would be a great break from the regular routine. She had hardly any idea that my regular routine was so filled with miseries that I wanted to break free from everything. This seemed to be my best escape route to freedom. I, me and my children were to leave never to return back to Gurgaon, never let any body know where we were heading. All the known places for my husband to find our whereabouts were written off I was planning for some place unknown to anybody. I had packed all wash and wear dresses, I boarded the train to Alwar to check my children’s comfort zone in passenger trains, to my surprise they loved it. Now I can get lost any where without the kids throwing a tantrum and no body would find us.

Once at Alwar, we met Pastor Thilak and his family who drove down. They got us a special room, our day would begin with breakfast, a brief prayer, fast forwarded testimonies, and doctrines about standing firm supported by the scriptures by well educated speakers. Liny was asked to take care of the Children’s camp and for some reason rejected it publicly. She was with me all the time, marking verses in my Bible, she talking to me the meanings of certain things I did not understand. She was so immersed talking God to me she had no idea about my plans. She introduced me to everybody she knew, many saw us together thought that I was her daughter. One of the people she introduced me to was Dr Silas C Nair. After hearing him talk so much about the scriptures, I wanted him to know the realities that I was going through. Secretly take his blessings and runaway forever.

Dr Silas C Nair did not open any Bible as I cried my pains orally to him, he never convinced me about anything Biblically speaking. All he did was share his testimony about his early life which was very similar to my husband’s current way of living. He prayed over me, as if he was talking to God on his cell phone. Once the prayer call was over he turned to me like he was about to hand over a prescription of my daily dose. I still remember the twinkle in his eyes, telling me to forgive my husband like child, and when I return to give my husband a big, big, hug. I secretly in my mind said to myself that I would give my husband that hug if I met him in heaven.

The Believer’s party was over, we all had our bags packed, I was ready for my journey to freedom. Liny comes looking for me and tells me that we are leaving with them in their car. My entire planning was squashed that very moment. I did not want to return. The kids were already making noise in the car, happy to go home. Since I was so sure about my plans to get back into the train I had no back up plans as Pastor Thilak and Liny were now going to leave me and my kids right in front of the door of my house, a place where I never wanted to return.

On arrival back to square one, Pastor Thilak honked my husband out of the door to announce our safe and sound journey. Once inside at home the kids instead of searching for the remote control to put on their favorite channel were talking to their dad about the sweet meats they brought for them, they seem to be in full control of their situation. I was full of remorse and had nothing to give him that day. I remembered Dr Silas C Nair words to give him a hug, thinking that a small little hug won’t change my mind, I gave it. Believe it or not a small little hug changed my life. My husband is the head of the family, my son is the man of the house, my daughter is the head of our home ministry and me all I do is BLOG (BLESSED is the LORD, OUR GOD) all the time.
It's prayer time folks, Heavenly father, we worship you, we give you thanks for your glory, all honor is yours Almighty Father, I have seen your wonderous ways of taking care of me through Pastor Thilak, his wife Liny and Dr Silas C Nair there are many to be saved and the workers are few, we need the manna for saving our souls. Lord let your blessings reign on them and abundantly flow into the garden of etenity to all who seek thy kingdom first, forever and ever Amen.




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